Lauren was 5 months old last Sunday.
She has really come into her own in the last few weeks. It is great to see her little personality shine through, although I believe we have a little "Drama Queen" on our hands. She can't take her medicine without holding her breath and stopping breathing, she also lets out a little cry-like-shout sound (as if she is freaking out) if she can’t reach a toy after maybe only two attempts!
She has lots of new sounds and blowing a raspberry is a perennial favourite. As a result, she goes through hundreds of bibs each day in an effort to stay dry. She is also constant with the “DaDaDa” which Caitlin thinks is great but wants to know when she will say “Caitlin”. I don’t think we’ll have to wait to long to hear that given the bond they share!
Every time Caitlin sings to Lauren, Lauren goes into a fit of giggles (we do too but for different reasons!) Beauty & The Beast is a particular favourite of Laurens.
She also loves to grab her big sisters hair and face. Luckily Caitlin is very understanding about this and says “She is just learning, she didn’t mean to scrab me!”
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Stage Debut
Caitlin made her stage debut last night in the Girl’s Brigade Christmas Show (the usual nativity with a modern twist). Caitlin’s section of the GB are called the Ladybirds and are ages 3 - 5.
I left her up early to get ready and the nerves were already starting to kick in, she was quite and chewing on her fingers. Once she spotted her fellow performers she settled down and they managed to squeeze in a quick game of ‘Chase’ before they had to get their costumes on.
I went back home to collect Ivan and Lauren. We were making this a ‘Family Thing’. One for all and all for one. Anyway, we couldn’t get a babysitter so the baby had to come!
So the stage was set, the lights were dimmed and the show started. About two minutes into the start and the Ladybirds filled into the hall to sounds of ‘Ooooohs’ and ‘Aaaaaaas’ and lots of camera activity.
Then we spotted our starlet, Caitlin the Cow! (she didn’t want to be a cow but then I told her that cows were very important as they kept Baby Jesus warm in the stable ~ don’t laugh, it worked!) The funny thing was, that for the whole performance she wasn’t standing with the other cows. She was a cow among angels! I’m not sure if she truly believed she was an angel or if she wanted to stand beside her friend but she was up on stage, in costume and singing her little heart out. That was the main thing.
We loved it. My heart swelled with pride when I spotted her and I nearly had a tear in my eye. Lauren was very well behaved and joined in with the singing too, in her own unique style of course!
I left her up early to get ready and the nerves were already starting to kick in, she was quite and chewing on her fingers. Once she spotted her fellow performers she settled down and they managed to squeeze in a quick game of ‘Chase’ before they had to get their costumes on.
I went back home to collect Ivan and Lauren. We were making this a ‘Family Thing’. One for all and all for one. Anyway, we couldn’t get a babysitter so the baby had to come!
So the stage was set, the lights were dimmed and the show started. About two minutes into the start and the Ladybirds filled into the hall to sounds of ‘Ooooohs’ and ‘Aaaaaaas’ and lots of camera activity.
Then we spotted our starlet, Caitlin the Cow! (she didn’t want to be a cow but then I told her that cows were very important as they kept Baby Jesus warm in the stable ~ don’t laugh, it worked!) The funny thing was, that for the whole performance she wasn’t standing with the other cows. She was a cow among angels! I’m not sure if she truly believed she was an angel or if she wanted to stand beside her friend but she was up on stage, in costume and singing her little heart out. That was the main thing.
We loved it. My heart swelled with pride when I spotted her and I nearly had a tear in my eye. Lauren was very well behaved and joined in with the singing too, in her own unique style of course!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Are you ready to go on another journey with me?
This one will be a journey on the back of PND (Post Natal Depression)
Talk about shouting it from the roof tops ~ all I've been doing since I've said the words out loud is talking about it!
I feel like someone has got all my emotions, shoved them in a bag and given the bag a great big shake. I'm all over the place. I just want to curl up into a ball and let everything go on around me.
Things came to a head when we went to a friends wedding a few weeks back. I sat through the service thinking "I don't want to go through with this" and I wasn't even the bride! I didn't want to put myself in the situation of meeting strangers, of talking to people, of smiling all day long. I felt I wasn't up to scratch with everyone else at the wedding. Anyway, I made it to 11pm (with help from the white grape, of course!). We went back to our room and I locked myself in the toilet and cried for 2 hours. I came our and cried for another 2 hours.
My poor husband didn't know what had happened. Basically I told him that I hate myself. I really do. I hate what I have become. I hate that I am avoiding people. I hate that I can go all week without talking to another adult, other than him. I hate pretending everything is ok, I'm getting tired of putting on a brave face when all I want to do is cry. I hate that I'm a shitty mum, shitty wife and can't run a house. How the fuck will I manage when I go back to work?
This was the start of a downward spiral during which I locked myself out of the house three times, walked out of a cafe without paying, cried at the drop of a hat and generally wanted to give up but I took the bull by the horns and made an appointment with my doctor.
I had my appointment this morning. They were running behind by about 30 minutes and I swear I nearly walked out twice! My tummy flipped and I was nearly sick. I tried to think of something else I could get checked out, like a sore throat but in the end I 'fessed up.
I explained that I hate myself and that I've been disconnecting from friends and family. The thought of things to come in the next few months makes me feel sick (1st Xmass without MIL, MIL birthday 2 days later, returning to work at the end of Jan and can't afford childcare, no childcare sorted yet, husband may have to leave work, will he resent me for this, my employers bought over and I may be made redundant by April ......)
Anyway, long story short, I've PND and she put me on tablets, Fluoxetine.
Doctor is getting the HV to call and visit with me and wants to see me back in a month. The tablets may not kick in for a couple of weeks but I should notice a difference by Christmas.
She suggested that I just to get through Christmas, without putting any more pressure on myself and to stop thinking about work problems until I see her in the New Year.
So, here we go. Will this be a long journey or just a trip round the block?
Talk about shouting it from the roof tops ~ all I've been doing since I've said the words out loud is talking about it!
I feel like someone has got all my emotions, shoved them in a bag and given the bag a great big shake. I'm all over the place. I just want to curl up into a ball and let everything go on around me.
Things came to a head when we went to a friends wedding a few weeks back. I sat through the service thinking "I don't want to go through with this" and I wasn't even the bride! I didn't want to put myself in the situation of meeting strangers, of talking to people, of smiling all day long. I felt I wasn't up to scratch with everyone else at the wedding. Anyway, I made it to 11pm (with help from the white grape, of course!). We went back to our room and I locked myself in the toilet and cried for 2 hours. I came our and cried for another 2 hours.
My poor husband didn't know what had happened. Basically I told him that I hate myself. I really do. I hate what I have become. I hate that I am avoiding people. I hate that I can go all week without talking to another adult, other than him. I hate pretending everything is ok, I'm getting tired of putting on a brave face when all I want to do is cry. I hate that I'm a shitty mum, shitty wife and can't run a house. How the fuck will I manage when I go back to work?
This was the start of a downward spiral during which I locked myself out of the house three times, walked out of a cafe without paying, cried at the drop of a hat and generally wanted to give up but I took the bull by the horns and made an appointment with my doctor.
I had my appointment this morning. They were running behind by about 30 minutes and I swear I nearly walked out twice! My tummy flipped and I was nearly sick. I tried to think of something else I could get checked out, like a sore throat but in the end I 'fessed up.
I explained that I hate myself and that I've been disconnecting from friends and family. The thought of things to come in the next few months makes me feel sick (1st Xmass without MIL, MIL birthday 2 days later, returning to work at the end of Jan and can't afford childcare, no childcare sorted yet, husband may have to leave work, will he resent me for this, my employers bought over and I may be made redundant by April ......)
Anyway, long story short, I've PND and she put me on tablets, Fluoxetine.
Doctor is getting the HV to call and visit with me and wants to see me back in a month. The tablets may not kick in for a couple of weeks but I should notice a difference by Christmas.
She suggested that I just to get through Christmas, without putting any more pressure on myself and to stop thinking about work problems until I see her in the New Year.
So, here we go. Will this be a long journey or just a trip round the block?
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Neighbour From Hell
We've had it with the guy next door!
A girl (we shall call X) owns the house but moved to England and started letting it out last year. In that time we've had 2 young families renting until their newbuilds were completed.
Now we've got this young guy and he has been driving us insane with his music. He is a taxi driver, keeps weird hours and his days off are usually a Monday & Tuesday or Tuesday & Wednesday.
We know cause he parties, has poker nights, smokes blow/weed and has the music blasting.
A month of so back Ivan had to go in and wrap the door at 3am! Ivan was livid. He said they were all lying around stoned or sleeping with the music turned right up.
Then about two weeks ago, same thing. Ivan went in and wrapped again. Next morning Ivan called down to X's fathers house to get a contact number and guess what he found out ...... the guy next door is X's brother His father said "ring X, he'll not listen to me!"
We then spent a full day on the phone back & forward to her. She apologised and said she wouldn't put up with it and would have no problem throwing him out if he kept it up etc.
Then on Monday night the music started. I had to hold Ivan back from going in. Last night same thing. Ivan tore in and started wrapping and banging on the door. They couldn't hear him over the music. Ivan then opened the door and walked in.
My stomach flipped. I didn't know what he was walking into, Ivan can handle himself but I didn't want it turning nasty! I hear lots of shouting, I swear I was craping myself. Ivan came back in and he was livid.
I rang X this afternoon and immediately she starts with this attitude "how dare your husband walk into my house" etc. I had to shout over the top of her that the reason he walked in was cause the music was so fucking loud in the first place they didn't hear him knocking!
We argued, then I said "fine, have it your way X, I'm going to get the police and the local council involved!" She started to say "I don't live there. There is nothing I can do" so I just hung up on her!
We have a local councilor (she is also the vice-Lord Mayor!) living on the other side of us. Lucky, eh! She came in tonight to have a chat and is going to take this up for us and lodge a complaint, something to do with nuisance noise after 11pm.
In the mean time, Ivan wants to move. I believe this is the best option. The longer it continues, especially coming into the party season, the more chance there is for Ivan punching the guy!
A girl (we shall call X) owns the house but moved to England and started letting it out last year. In that time we've had 2 young families renting until their newbuilds were completed.
Now we've got this young guy and he has been driving us insane with his music. He is a taxi driver, keeps weird hours and his days off are usually a Monday & Tuesday or Tuesday & Wednesday.
We know cause he parties, has poker nights, smokes blow/weed and has the music blasting.
A month of so back Ivan had to go in and wrap the door at 3am! Ivan was livid. He said they were all lying around stoned or sleeping with the music turned right up.
Then about two weeks ago, same thing. Ivan went in and wrapped again. Next morning Ivan called down to X's fathers house to get a contact number and guess what he found out ...... the guy next door is X's brother His father said "ring X, he'll not listen to me!"
We then spent a full day on the phone back & forward to her. She apologised and said she wouldn't put up with it and would have no problem throwing him out if he kept it up etc.
Then on Monday night the music started. I had to hold Ivan back from going in. Last night same thing. Ivan tore in and started wrapping and banging on the door. They couldn't hear him over the music. Ivan then opened the door and walked in.
My stomach flipped. I didn't know what he was walking into, Ivan can handle himself but I didn't want it turning nasty! I hear lots of shouting, I swear I was craping myself. Ivan came back in and he was livid.
I rang X this afternoon and immediately she starts with this attitude "how dare your husband walk into my house" etc. I had to shout over the top of her that the reason he walked in was cause the music was so fucking loud in the first place they didn't hear him knocking!
We argued, then I said "fine, have it your way X, I'm going to get the police and the local council involved!" She started to say "I don't live there. There is nothing I can do" so I just hung up on her!
We have a local councilor (she is also the vice-Lord Mayor!) living on the other side of us. Lucky, eh! She came in tonight to have a chat and is going to take this up for us and lodge a complaint, something to do with nuisance noise after 11pm.
In the mean time, Ivan wants to move. I believe this is the best option. The longer it continues, especially coming into the party season, the more chance there is for Ivan punching the guy!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
One Year Old Today
My Blog that is ~ Happy Birthday Blog x
That means this time last year, I was newly pregnant and we'd just told the families.
Bliss.
That means this time last year, I was newly pregnant and we'd just told the families.
Bliss.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Busy Couple Of Weeks Coming Up!
17 Nov :: Lauren has her last set of jabs
22 Nov :: Dentist
23 Nov :: Cinema to see In Her Shoes with a few girlfriends
25 Nov :: Close friends Wedding & we're staying overnight at the hotel
02 Dec :: Dinner with another couple & staying overnight at their house
10 Dec :: SKAL Christmas lunch (usually lasts well into the evening too!)
On the plus side, I've finished Santa shopping and got the girl's Christmas dresses (must post a pic).
With regard to Christmas Gift Shopping for friends & family, my new motto is"if you can't get it online, you're not getting it" !!!!!
22 Nov :: Dentist
23 Nov :: Cinema to see In Her Shoes with a few girlfriends
25 Nov :: Close friends Wedding & we're staying overnight at the hotel
02 Dec :: Dinner with another couple & staying overnight at their house
10 Dec :: SKAL Christmas lunch (usually lasts well into the evening too!)
On the plus side, I've finished Santa shopping and got the girl's Christmas dresses (must post a pic).
With regard to Christmas Gift Shopping for friends & family, my new motto is"if you can't get it online, you're not getting it" !!!!!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Lauren got weighed on Monday and was 15lb 2oz, still following the 91st line. She is really into grabbing at things now she has figured out what to do with her hands!
Our new favourite game is when Caitlin wears one of her large, sparkly bangles and we hold her arm up in front of Lauren. Lauren then concentrates really hard and makes several grabs for the bangle before pulling it off Caitlin's arm. We then cheer and Lauren knows she has done something good!!!!!
Monday, November 07, 2005
Caitlin
I love the way she knows how and when to make you laugh by singing a song or acting silly
I love how she displays her affection for Lauren and others
I love her beauty, sometimes it takes my breath away
I love her sense of fun and adventure
I love our conversations
I love the art work she brings home from play group
I love her eyes and her smile
I love how she knows how to behave when we go out to eat
I love how proud she makes me feel just to be her mother
I love her cheeky grin she puts on to have her photo taken
I love her independent streak, she showed signs of at birth
I love watching her play with others
I love listening to her sing in the bath
I love her caring nature
I love her outlook on every thing
I love when she wakes each morning and the first thing out of her mouth is “Good Morning Mummy, is it a school day?”
I love how she displays her affection for Lauren and others
I love her beauty, sometimes it takes my breath away
I love her sense of fun and adventure
I love our conversations
I love the art work she brings home from play group
I love her eyes and her smile
I love how she knows how to behave when we go out to eat
I love how proud she makes me feel just to be her mother
I love her cheeky grin she puts on to have her photo taken
I love her independent streak, she showed signs of at birth
I love watching her play with others
I love listening to her sing in the bath
I love her caring nature
I love her outlook on every thing
I love when she wakes each morning and the first thing out of her mouth is “Good Morning Mummy, is it a school day?”
Lauren
I love the look on her face when she sleeps ~ at total peace
I love how she stares at her hands in amazement testing their purpose, swatting and grabbing for toys then seeing the recognition on her face when she realises “I did that”
I love the way her face lights up when any of us come into her line of vision ~ especially if it’s Caitlin
I love her cheeky grin and sparkly eyes
I love the smell of her hair, which I sniff constantly when I’m feeding her
I love her new growl / squeal / laughing sound
I love the fact that she recognises her bottle and gets herself ready for it
I love how she looks for the bottle when she is finished
I love the way she is now trying to sit up ~ like mini crunches
I love lying on the floor and playing with her
I love time alone with her
I love watching Caitlin interact and entertain her baby sister
I love the comments from strangers about her eyes and clear skin
I love bath times
I love the fluff between her toes
I love how she stares at her hands in amazement testing their purpose, swatting and grabbing for toys then seeing the recognition on her face when she realises “I did that”
I love the way her face lights up when any of us come into her line of vision ~ especially if it’s Caitlin
I love her cheeky grin and sparkly eyes
I love the smell of her hair, which I sniff constantly when I’m feeding her
I love her new growl / squeal / laughing sound
I love the fact that she recognises her bottle and gets herself ready for it
I love how she looks for the bottle when she is finished
I love the way she is now trying to sit up ~ like mini crunches
I love lying on the floor and playing with her
I love time alone with her
I love watching Caitlin interact and entertain her baby sister
I love the comments from strangers about her eyes and clear skin
I love bath times
I love the fluff between her toes
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Dentist Update
I went and talked it through with my dentist.
He ended up talking me into saving the tooth and going for the root filling. He was very reassuring and also agreed to put me on the surgery insurance dental plan, where I pay £11.70 per month and all work (current & future) is covered.
Slight problem, in that he found the tooth in front of the offending tooth to have a slight whole and the offending tooth bled a lot. He packed and filled it and I've to go back soon for another hours work.
I'm being so brave but really I want to cry. Right now I'm in pain! I have to remember not to bite down on that side of my mouth, when I forget it is sheer agony.
He ended up talking me into saving the tooth and going for the root filling. He was very reassuring and also agreed to put me on the surgery insurance dental plan, where I pay £11.70 per month and all work (current & future) is covered.
Slight problem, in that he found the tooth in front of the offending tooth to have a slight whole and the offending tooth bled a lot. He packed and filled it and I've to go back soon for another hours work.
I'm being so brave but really I want to cry. Right now I'm in pain! I have to remember not to bite down on that side of my mouth, when I forget it is sheer agony.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Dentist In The Morning
I am getting my tooth pulled in the morning. A molar, I think that's what it's called.
Bad thing :: I already feel sick just thinking about it!
Good thing :: I probably won't be able to eat until I get weighed at WW on Tuesday morning.
It was either have it pulled or have a root filling but the thing is, two years ago I had another tooth root filled and then this year had to have it crowned. I'm not going through that again. Plus it cost over £700 combined, for one tooth! I just can't justify that sort of money again. It's not worth it and I'm still paying for that work!
Another thing I've noticed is that the older I get ~ the more frightened of the Dentist I've become.
It’s to do with my vivid imagination. Honestly. I visualise what he is doing and it makes me cringe. I’m not that good about breathing with all the instruments stuck in my mouth too and I know one day I’ll have a panic attack. So I’ve decided to get sedated tomorrow.
Now that I’m looking forward too, lol.
Bad thing :: I already feel sick just thinking about it!
Good thing :: I probably won't be able to eat until I get weighed at WW on Tuesday morning.
It was either have it pulled or have a root filling but the thing is, two years ago I had another tooth root filled and then this year had to have it crowned. I'm not going through that again. Plus it cost over £700 combined, for one tooth! I just can't justify that sort of money again. It's not worth it and I'm still paying for that work!
Another thing I've noticed is that the older I get ~ the more frightened of the Dentist I've become.
It’s to do with my vivid imagination. Honestly. I visualise what he is doing and it makes me cringe. I’m not that good about breathing with all the instruments stuck in my mouth too and I know one day I’ll have a panic attack. So I’ve decided to get sedated tomorrow.
Now that I’m looking forward too, lol.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
My weight loss goal
Went to WW this morning and down 1lb. That’s 3.5 lb in 4 weeks. Not bad I suppose.
The words ”Slow and steady wins the race” come to mind!
If I’m to be totally honest, then I need to make a decision, based on how I answer the following questions.
- Am I happy with my rate of progress? If so, then fine. I carry on as I am doing and can continue to have my little treats here and there, make 80% healthy choices & keep up with the current level of exercise.
- Do I want to see faster / better results? If so, then I need to step it up a gear. Cut out the “lyte” bar of choc and low-fat crisps. Stick to the plan and increase my exercise.
So, which is it to be?????
Right now I can’t give an honest answer. I want to lose weight for the upcoming wedding, I want to lose weight for going back to work in January but I’m losing sight of the real reason I started and that was to get my body back in shape and be healthy, just in case we try for another baby some time in the next 18 months.
I’d like to be in the ‘bestest’, tip top shape my body can be in cause pg takes a lot out of me and following so closly to Lauren’s birth could just be so wrong for me.
See more progress on: Lose Weight and Get Healthy
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