I have to come clean and admit that since having Lauren I’ve developed a weird social phobia.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m afraid to make contact with anyone.
I’m afraid to make arrangements to go out for the night, yet I’d love a girl’s night out and Ivan is only too happy to babysit.
I think I’m afraid to find out that I don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation anymore, other than talk of poo, nappies & bottles! I’m afraid that I’ll bore people.
To be honest, it is starting to get me down and in an effort to overcome this new phobia I got in touch with Lynn (a friend I met through work and lives in the next street) and invited her round for a Coffee & Craft morning.
I’m glad I did! We had coffee and chatted. Didn’t do much crafting but Lynn is interested in giving it a go and agrees we should try to get together every now and again to do this. I’m thinking of seeing if she wants to go to the cinema next week or for a bite to eat. Just plucking up the courage to ask.
Other than that, I’m avoiding everyone.
I felt weird when I went into work for a visit the other week but again, afterwards, I’m glad I did. Only thing is I’ve been invited to a lunch on Monday to launch the arrival of our new ship. VIP’s, customers, Directors etc. will all be there and I know I’ll want to blend into the background. This is so not like me.
I’ve also noticed that I’m taking a back seat on a couple of the discussion boards I belong to. I hardly post anything and stick to the same few areas of interest out of safety. I hardly ever comment on others peoples posts and I hate to not offer my support so again this is not like me. I’ve even held of posting on this blog cause I think I’ve nothing to say.
I feel like I’m blending into the background of what was my life.
I feel like I’m disappearing.
Someone shake me.
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3 comments:
((shake))
:) Everyone goes through these times - I am finding that I am doing the same and I only caring for one right now, I can't imagine what it will be like w/2!
Keep your chin up! And remember that we love you on the boards! :)
((hugs))
Lisa
Dearest Lorraine,
If you feel that you are depressed (only you will know for sure), I'd seek out the help of your GP.
If not, it sounds like you are experiencing normal motherhood. Two is double the work of one. It's a lot harder to take two children out of the house, than it was to just take Cait.
Don't be so hard on yourself, love. You JUST had a baby. (((HUG)))
Ask Lynn over again next week. Small steps for a big change in your life.
((hug)) what a large adjustment you're going through. Give yourself some time. It sounds like you're taking the right steps in slowly getting back to socializing comfortably.
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